Do you ever feel like you are giving so much to others and you are constantly feeling used, manipulated, or simply unseen for all you do? It is like you are always saying yes to others when you really want to say no or you do not mind helping, but never feel like you are getting the appreciation you feel you deserve. Maybe you are feeling overwhelmed, pressured, or stressed out. 

You love giving and helping others, yet you want to do so in a space that is safe, collaborative, and with equal give and take. You want to say yes to others while also saying yes to yourself. You want to feel respected for what you bring to the table. You are ready to feel at peace, calm, and in a flow state. 

If you are reading this and thinking THIS IS SO ME and ready  to feel these ways, it is most likely time you start setting some strong boundaries. Now, if you are wondering what boundaries are, migrate over to this blog post to read about them and then migrate right back! 

I have been so excited to write this blog post because I too have been the girl who constantly feels used and unseen for my hard work. And if you have never felt this way, let me be the first to tell you that is not fun! For a long time, I would shake of these feelings and make myself feel better by saying  “they will stop eventually” and “karma is a b*tch.” While these may be true, had someone given me a little guide of who to look out for and who not give my energy to, life may have looked a little different. So, here is my guide to you in hopes that you reach peace with a little more grace than I did. 

As a reminder, this list was made from personal experience. It may not resonate with everyone. My advice is to take the advice that resonates and leave what doesn’t for the people it is meant for! And, If you are reading these and are thinking “yeah, we already know,” thank the people who helped you and help those around you.

Who to Set Boundaries With

1. People who do not take accountability. Set boundaries with people who point fingers at other people, blame other people, or simply do not accept responsibility for their actions. If people are playing the victim in all of their stories, it may be time for a boundary. 
2. People who only see the negative. Set boundaries with those who only point out your flaws, your misdoings, and your mistakes without recognizing where you shine or without offering feedback for improvement. A boundary is especially needed if one is using a mistake against you. 
3. People who make everything feel like a competition. Life is full of competition. When every little thing becomes a competition, it may be time to set a boundary. 
4. People who encourage you to run from your problems. These people may not have your best interest at heart. 
5. People who put you down to lift themselves up. Set boundaries with the people who take little digs at you and then turn around and are nice to the next person. 
6. People who seek revenge over forgiveness. Similar to number fourteen. 
7. People who seek to control you rather than communicate with you. When people have to control the situation, stimulate certain scenarios to make you look bad, or have some sort of control of you, it is time to set a boundary. 
8. People whose words do not align with their actions. If someone is telling you one thing and another thing is happening, get yourself a cutie little boundary. 
9. People who complain without offering solutions. Do not get me wrong, sometimes we all need a good venting session. When the venting is more like everyday dialogue, it is likely time for a boundary. 
10. People who think they are better than everyone. Every single person walking this earth is human with imperfections. Not one person is better than the next. Rather, we all have something beautiful to offer to others. If someone is making you feel like you are less than, stop! It’s boundary time (get it, like hammer time? Am I using humor to cope or what.) 
11. People who make you codependent on them rather embracing your independence. Set a boundary quickly! This can put you in a toxic cycle. 
12. People who take more than they give. People like this will usually not stop until you set the needed boundary. 
13. People who value how things look superficially over how things really are and true vulnerability. If someone cares more about how things “ look” over being your vulnerable self, it could be time to set a boundary. 
14. People who seek competition over collaboration. When people are in competition mode, it can often mean war. Set a boundary here as you will waste so much time fighting in a battle you never wanted. 
15. You make you feel shame for being yourself. You should never ever ever feel shame for being yourself for you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Set a boundary here and keep being yourself. 
16. People who  call you being yourself “an act.” Similar to number fifteen. Keep shining your light! 
17. People who go out of their way to exclude you. It’s giving bully and it needs a boundary. 
18. People who  encourage you not to ask questions to understand why. If someone is demanding you do something and they tell you not to ask why, put your boundary up. 
19. People who go out of their way to gossip about you, portray you as mean, or convince others you are bad without seeking to understand where you are coming from or demonstrating any empathy for you. No thanks!
20. People who are quick to “get rid of you” rather than truly seeking conflict resolution. If someone’s solution is to toss you aside, set a boundary. These types of people have a lot of healing to do.
21. People who only project their problems onto you. Especially if you were not asking to receive their problems. 
22. People who treat you badly in order to get a reaction out of you and then use that reaction as “something on you” rather than discussing the behavior that created a reaction in the first place. Sadly, you are being manipulated here. Boundary ASAP! Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. 
23. People who compare you to others. You are your own being, and you are beautiful! 
24. People who call you “crazy.” From my experience, these types of people either find it easier to call you crazy than to look at they way they have treated you, or they simply cannot empathize with your circumstances resorting to using the term. Do not waste your time trying to prove your worth to others. You simply are worthy and far from crazy [still, check with a therapist too].
25. People who are reactive. Do not react back to these people. Rather, hold empathy and compassion for them. Set a boundary and carry on. 
26. People who set expectations of you that are not feasible. And, people who are only connecting with you for their own benefit. 
27. People who are nice to you only so that they have a story to make themselves look good. You are being used. 

Remember, it is not your job to “fix” people. People can only heal, grow, and evolve at the speed to which they want and can. You cannot force someone to grow with you (or you may be receiving a boundary yourself). Meet people where they are, ask questions to learn more about them, and spend time with them to understand if it is time for a boundary or time to grow a relationship. 

Who to Form Relationships With. 

1. People who take responsibility for their actions. They are honest and vulnerable even if it risks being judged. 
2. People who see the good. This is different from toxic positivity. You will inevitably have bad days, and on these days, feel the feelings. Recognize the people who get back up from feeling down and find the good in the situations. 
3. People who seek to collaborate with others for the collective benefit. These people are in it for the group and not just for themselves. 
4. People who encourage you to face your problems. Better yet, find the people who will hold your hand through it. 
5.  People who lift you up. These people want you to win! 
6. People who want to establish conflict resolution with you. These people want to continue to find collaboration with you. 
7. People who want to communicate. These people are communicating for an equal understanding rather than to gain control. 
8. People who do what they say they are going to do. These people are responsible and trustworthy. This isn’t just a one time thing, it is who they continually show up as. 
9. People who offer  solutions to problems. These are the people who want to make things better. 
10. People who see the world as one rather than a hierarchy of power. These people recognize that not one person is better than the next. They understand that we are all put on earth for a unique purpose. 
11. People who show you the way to get there so you can live independently. These are the people who will teach you how to fish, so you can eat for life. 
12. People who find balance between give and take and are looking out for you while doing so. These are the people who understand true collaboration. 
13. People who rather be vulnerable with you than portray perfection. Form relationships with people who want a deeper connection rather than attempting to be perfect. 
14. People who seek collaboration over competition. People who want to collaborate are people who want the group to win instead of the ego. They understand that life is not a game. 
15. Those who encourage you to be and embrace your highest self. Keep people who like your little bit of “weirdness” close to you. 
16. People who see beauty in you showing up as your highest self. The people who recognize that you being yourself is brave are the ones to form a relationship with. 
17. People who go out of their way to include you. These are angels! 
18. People who encourage you to ask clarifying questions and to understand the why behind things. People like this want you to have an understanding of what is going on because they want you to feel welcomed, respected, and appreciated.   
19. People who show you empathy and compassion. More angels! These people operate from love. 
20. People who will seek conflict resolution multiple times. This is not to say that you can walk all over them. Rather, these people will make attempts to find peace with you instead of kicking you to the curb.  
21. People who ask if you are open to hear what is going on with them before dumping it all on them. These people respect your boundaries. 
22. People who would never manipulate you. These people want true connection.  
23. People who value you for who you are.  These people appreciate who you are and not who they want you to be. 
24. People who recognize your value and worth. These people understand that you are gift to the earth!
25. People who are emotionally resilient. These people will continue to show you kindness even when the world has not been so kind to them. 
26. People who help you reach your goals without compromising their own. They connect with you because they want you both to win! 
27. People who serve you and help you without any need for recognition from anyone. No story to tell, just love. 

Give yourself some grace as you navigate the boundary waters. You will make mistakes, and that is okay! Remember, you are still a caterpillar, and you’re doing great. 

Thanks for visiting Alice-Hilton. Share this blog with someone who is doing great. We hope you leave here feeling like you have emerged into the beautiful butterfly that you are.  

AND, YOU ARE DOING GREAT 🦋.

See resource link at the bottom of the Blog page for resources.